Double murder

Straight and to the point, the title says it all. This is probably one of the grimmest and most messed up dreams I've had. Even more so than this dream.

One of the weirdest things about it (other than the content, which I will get to shortly) is the way it kept shifting perspectives. At some points I was watching it happen, as though it was a TV program, at other times, I was an active participant, and at other moments, it was as though I was reading some kind of script which described the motives, thoughts and actions of its characters. I'll try to explain this as best as I can throughout.

The dream started with me watching a man being killed. He walked past a white car and the man in the car rolled down the window, grabbed the man who was walking past and put him in some kind of headlock where he was caught by his neck and couldn't move. The man in the car then whispered the word "Dead!" three times into the ear of the man he'd grabbed in a voice that was genuinely chilling. Eventually, the man he was holding collapsed and died. At this point, I went from being an observer to a participant, only I appeared to be following some kind of script. I became aware of the fact that the man who was killed was connected to me in some way as was his killer, and that he would be after me next.

I then remember reading some sort of script that told me that the character I was playing needed to lay low for a while, which I did by returning to the place where I lived in this dream, which was actually my mother's house in real life. I got to the house, locked the front door and closed all the curtains. I also make a point of crouching below the windows so nobody could see me outside (in case the killer chanced by and saw me). However upon locking up, I suddenly knew that I was not alone in the house. I was then suddenly in what would be my mother's room in this house, I stepped out into the corridor and saw a woman walking away from me. She had also been sent after me by the killer. I sneaked up behind her with a coathanger, grabbed her from behind and pushed her onto the ground in what used to be my old bedroom. Once on the floor, I started interrogating her.

I asked her why she was here, who she was and what she wanted, but she would not answer my questions even with the tip of a coathanger pressed against her neck (it was all I had). This is where it gets really fucked up. I then tore off this woman's underclothes and threatened to rape her. Thing is, I had no intention of actually following through with the act, I just wanted to scare her into talking, but that didn't work either as she just threatened to tell the police(!). At this point I felt worried and ashamed: worried at the possible outcome of her telling the police (even though she was colluding with a murderer herself), and ashamed at what I had become. Anyway, I now realised I had nothing to lose and murdered the woman. There was a suitcase nearby which I emptied with the intent of forcing her body into it. The last thing I remember doing was cutting up a magazine, which was in some way connected to me killing this woman. I woke up around this point.

POSSIBLE MEANING: This is where it gets interesting. I consulted a dream dictionary regarding murder in dreams. The symbols appear to be spot on. The day before, my girlfriend and I had an argument. I'm going to see her this weekend (she lives out of town) and she wanted me to go to church with her the day I would be leaving. I explained that I couldn't because it would make me late for my train home, which she knew would be the case. However, she got upset with me anyway and we ended up fighting, which we hadn't done for months. There used to be a time though when we argued all the time, every week in fact. It used to stress me out because it seemed as though she like the drama. To my mind, it didn't bode well that two people in a long distance relationship should be arguing all the time (especially over what was mostly petty, trifling nonsense), but she seemed to like it. She'd either pick fights or goad me into one by saying things that would provoke or upset me. Anyway, one of the last big fights we had (around my birthday), I almost broke up with her which I think caused her to stop all this drama, hence us not having fought again up until now.

After this fight, we exchanged a few angry texts and I said that I wasn't going to come up to see her anymore. I didn't really mean it though, I was just very angry that she'd started what I saw to be another stupid argument (I thought we'd got past that) and just wanted to get at her. It turns out the real reason she got upset was because I'd resisted going to church with her in the past and this just brought that back (typical woman in that she didn't just say so at the time but just flew off the handle instead). Anyway, this whole incident got me very riled because it put a dampener on what was going to be a good weekend. Two days before going up to see her for her birthday, she starts an argument, just like she did two days before my birthday. It bought it all back to me.

Now, I think the part in the dream where I threatened to rape the woman just to scare her into talking symbolised me threatening not to go up to see my girlfriend on her birthday. In both instances, I had no intention of following through with the act, it was just a bluffing tactic which failed to work. The dream dictionary symbols regarding anger were represented by the murders in this dream. It states that murder represents the resistance to something; in this case, my girlfriend's insistence in trying to coerce me into religion (if you've been following my other dreams, you should already know why that's not going to work). It also represents the potential end of a relationship. I write this dream at 6AM in the morning, hours before I'm to get on a train to go up and see her for what may be the last time. We have reached an impasse. She has become a hardcore fundamentalist, I lost my faith some time ago. We are headed in two opposite directions. I think I have to put an end to this relationship, and this dream appears to be alluding to just that.

It's a shame because, silly fights notwithstanding, we had something good, but hey, religion divides.

Fire in the mind/True form

I had this dream not long after falling asleep in the early hours of the morning.

From what I remember, I was at my mother's house in my old bedroom where I spent much of my childhood. It was empty save my old bunk bed and stacks of magazines I'd dumped there. For some reason, I was reading the magazines in the room. I also had a gun with me with the intent of shooting anybody who walked in on me.

The dream then changed and I was standing outside in the back garden of the same house. It was night time and al the lights were off in the house save the kitchen (which is accessed by going in through the back door), and my bedroom (which can also be seen from the outside from where I was).

My sister was there with me and so was my mother's gossipy neighbour (I mention her in another dream on here a couple of years back). The neighbour ran over and said she could smell burning, and kept pointing up at my bedroom window; she seemed convinced that someone was up there setting fire to the place. I panicked and decided to go in and investigate, taking my gun with me (I don't know what I had a gun, I just did). My sister followed after me, but didn't come up the stairs with me to my room. When I got there, I found the lights on, but nobody was there. There was also smoke, but no fire, and no discernible source. Even so, I was convinced someone was there, so I explored the other rooms (bathroom and the other two bedrooms), but found no-one. Also, the other rooms were in complete darkness.

The dream switched again and I was back downstairs talking to my mother, who was a different woman in this dream. This time, the downstairs part of the house had also changed and the lights were now on. I also had a step dad and step brother (both of whom were very fat), which I do not have IRL. My mum was telling me that last time she saw me, she didn't feel we connected anymore. I said I was sorry she felt that way and embraced her, saying that I'd try harder.

Then, an argument flared up between my step dad and I, and my mum joined in. I angrily retorted and told both of them that I was leaving and not coming back and that I never wanted to see either of them ever again. I walked out into the street (it was still dark outside) and started walking up the road. My step brother kept on taunting me, so I told him to "Piss off". My stepdad then started chasing me up the road, and for a fat guy, he could run.

Anyway, I ran from him until I got to the corner of the road, where I heard a voice say "It's time to show them your true form". I turned around to face my stepdad and said "I'm not the person you think I am" and then started to transform into a huge beast. I felt myself growing in size and strength and my stepdad and brother backed off and started shooting at me, but because of my size, the bullets had no effect. I used my strength and size to push them back, but I wasn't trying to kill them, I just wanted them to back off and leave me alone. That was it.

POSSIBLE MEANING: I've been having a lot of issue in my life with religion and religious people lately. You see, many years ago I used to be a Christian myself, but I deconverted, and this has become more apparent in the last few years, my apostasy strengthening the more I learn about how twisted and corrupt Christianity truly is. The more I learn, the less I want to do with it. However I am almost sandwiched by it. My mother and sister are believers, and so is my girlfriend of 2 years (who suddenly went hardcore this summer, as represented by this dream). I recently told my girlfriend, my sister found out through another person blabbing and the only person who does not know is my mother, and there's no way I could tell her.

I think this dream touches on the whole thing of me "coming out" to my mother (that is "showing my true form"). Me being chased around I think represents the Christians in my life who do know trying to draw me back into it. In the dream, I resist the people who tried to shoot me, but I didn't want to kill them, just get them to back off. Similarly, I do not wish to try to deconvert my girlfriend, sister or anyone; they have their own paths to walk, and if they leave the faith, they should do so because of themselves and not because of me. This I think is represented by me trying not to kill the people shooting at me.

Not of this earth

I've had a number of similar dreams to this one in the past, but for some reason, I've never written any down.

This dream started out in a friends bedroom. Just behind his headboard was a large window which seemed to lead into another dimension. I stepped through this window and found myself looking over a vast cityscape from above. Whenever I've had similar dreams, I seem to fly around until I wanted to land, and that's what I did here.

When I landed, it was night time and people were milling about on the city streets. I saw a crowd of people in fromnt of me and tried talking to them, but as soon as people saw me, they walked off and wanted nothing to do with me. It reminded me of the last out of body dream I had in that people seemed surprised when I asked where I was and acted like I was some sort of freak to be shunned.

I ended up in a shopping arcade. I walked past a food stall run by a young woman who, upon seeing me hung up a 'Closed' sign and gave me a look of straight faced defiance. The atmosphere in this place was cold everywhere I went. Nobody would talk to me, shops wouldn't serve me, and all I wanted was to know where I was.

Later I found myself going through a turnstile as if to catch a train. There was a woman with me; she was in her early 40s and was the only person in the entire place (save a freakish alien looking thing that tried to kiss me) that spoke to me. It turns out she was in the same predicament as me (being avoided by everyone), so we became friends through that.

The two of us walked through the turnstile as we had "trains" to catch; apparently we were from different worlds and were both strangers in this place in which we'd found ourselves, which might explain the coldness of the others (it could well be that they didn't speak out language and therefore could not understand us). Anyway, when we got through the turnstile we found ourselves staring out across a beautifully scenic expanse. The sky was pink and orange with a few clouds in the distance. The sun shone across the panorama with a literally golden glow. The beauty of the view was otherworldly, unlike anything from "this" world and therefore hard to describe. To return to our home worlds, we had to take off and fly, which we did, both going our separate ways.

POSSIBLE MEANING: It has been suggested that some dreams are like a form of inter-dimensional travel and that as our physical bodies rest, our consciousness goes elsewhere. I happen to believe there is some truth to that, and in this and similar dreams, I'm convinced that I was in some world beyond this dimension and that the people I saw knew I was not from their world, which makes me wonder what they might have seen or heard of me from their own POV.

Recurring dreams: Hotel

Saturday 30th July

Another hotel dream. Interestingly, the hotel itself has showed up in some of my previous hotel dreams.

In this dream, I was staying in a room on the 2nd floor, and the 3rd floor was haunted. I had another dream just like this not long ago, but I don't think I remembered to write it down. In the dream, I just avoided the 3rd floor, but I eventually had to go there for something.

When I got there, I went to a particular room. There was a man there who looked a bit like Ricky Gervais, but with stubble. He wore a long black trenchcoat. He was talking to another man in the room about my girlfriend and got annoyed when I interrupted. He told me I was getting into things I didn't understand. The scene then switched to my girlfriend being out in the street somewhere, but I don't remember the details anymore unfortunately.

The dream then went back to the hotel, and I discovered that there was actually a 4th floor, but it was not for guests. It was for staff use only and was used for maintenance purposes. I was with a group of about 3 other people including a short South American woman in her 40s. She seemed to know all about the 4th floor. I think she may have been a cleaner at the hotel or something. For some reason, I wanted to see the 4th floor, so she let me. She also made a point of telling me that if any guests were caught up there, they would be thrown out, so I had to be careful. That's about all I can remember.

This was certainly unlike any of my previous 4th floor dreams as the strangeness appeared to be happening on floor 3 this time (though one of my earlier dreams did have the spookiness happening in the basement). It was also intriguing that the 4th floor in this dream was out of bounds.


POSSIBLE MEANING: The out of bounds 4th floor is easy. I've been playing a game called Last Window on the Nintendo DS which has you playing an ex detective staying at an apartment complex that was once a hotel. In this game, there are mysterious things happening on the 4th floor, too (which in itself spooked me out a little bit; after having all those dreams, I then play a game with a similar plot - WTF!?). Anyway, that part of the dream seems to have been derived from the actual game as some parts of it are similar.

The Ricky Gervais lookalike was noteworthy, too. That dream character seemed to know stuff about me and I felt that he knew me well, much like the being in the Lionheart dream, but not anywhere near as powerful (the guy in this dream was definitely human, whereas the Lionheart being had only assumed a human form). Also, unlike the Lionheart dream, this character didn't seem especially concerned with me as an individual, I felt as though he was just a messenger of sorts but had no interest in me beyond that. He was just doing his "job". The thing with my girlfriend, I felt was definitely important, especially as it comes at a time when I've been having doubts about the future of our relationship.

Blinded by faith?

In this dream, my girlfriend told me that she'd just had an accident that robbed her of her sight. Her eyes were covered with bandages because she'd just had an operation. She told me that some of her sight would eventually be restored, but that she'd never be able to see fully again and asked me if I still loved her and wanted to be with her.

I said yes.

POSSIBLE INTERPRETATION: My girlfriend has recently become very religious, going as far as to say that she no longer wants to "sin" by having pre-martial sex. We've been together 2 years. Her new church friends have also tried to split us up.

I think this dream refers to change in her beliefs. The blindness, I think represents the way I see her new found beliefs and the effect they have on her (blind faith). Her asking if I still wanted to be with her refers to the misgivings I have about all this, and the fact that it has seriously made me question the future of our relationship. I do love her, but this change has had serious consequences and has, in my opinion made what was very simple very complicated.

Even as I type this, I feel torn about us but sadly, religion destroys everything.

Shooting/Being shot

I'm going to use this post to record 3 dreams, two of which I actually had last week on two separate evenings, but was not able to write down as I was away from home and didn't have access to a computer.

I'll start with the most recent dream (last night's) first.

I can't remember all the details, but in essence, I was a fugitive. I'd shot about 5 men in self defence. I was in some hideaway bunker somewhere and they climbed in to attack me and the small group of people with me (including a little boy I'll mention later on).

Having shot the men, I knew from that point that I was a wanted man and started running for my life. My intent was to leave the country. By this point, all the people who were with me earlier had gone their own separate ways except for the child, who remained with me. The boy cried a lot, saying he didn't want to be killed.

Later in the dream, I found myself at a hotel I've visited in a previous dream. I had a key given to me by a friend (someone I know in real life) who said I could hide out in his hotel room while I planned my next move. The hotel corridors were a veritable maze with many doors. For some reason, I was able to use my key on any door as I searched for my friend's room. However, every time I thought I'd found his room, it turned out to be a toilet or a store cupboard. I started to get agitated because if I couldn't find the room, I'd have nowhere to hide.

In the end, I found an infirmary at the end of a corridor and the little boy and I went to hide in there. There was a doctor's uniform in the room and I decided to change into it, thinking that I'd masquerade as a doctor if I couldn't find the room I wanted.

It all gets unclear after that, but the next thing I remember, I was speaking to my mother who did not know about the people I'd killed. She then learnt about the killings from a news report, but I tried convincing her that I was not the one responsible.


Shooting dream 1

In the first shooting dream from last week, I was in the back garden at my mum's house standing by the shed. I then became aware that there were snipers in the bushes at the end of the garden. They started shooting at me, so I ran into the house, through the hallway and out of the front door. I ran down the road and knew that the snipers were chasing me, so I wanted to find somewhere I could hide. The road started to get longer and longer all by itself.


Shooting dream 2

I was in some kind of urban neighbourhood. The dream started with me accidentally damaging someone's car as I ran past. It turned out the owner was part of some sort of gang, and he, along with his "crew" decided to chase my friends and I. We were running for a long time to escape them in this dream, as they followed us in their car, shooting at us as they drove.

In the end, we managed to lose them by going through someone's back garden. It was night time and they were throwing a party in the house.

Jenna

This was an odd dream, not necessarily because of anything that happened in it, but because of the feeling it left me with when I awoke.

It started with me in an alleyway somewhere. A colleague from work was also there along with somebody else who used to work with us, only the ex-colleague was considerable younger than he is in real life. In the dream, he was about 13 years old, and was with about four other kids around the same age.

I said hello to my workmate and asked him what he was doing in my neck of the woods, but I can't remember his response too well.

Anyway, the next thing I know, the alleyway was suddenly full of teenagers and I remember thinking that my work colleague and myself were probably the oldest people here. With no reason to hang around, I decided to walk through the alleyway to find my way home. As I did, I came across a young ethnically Italian woman with shoulder length curly black hair and big green eyes. She was very beautiful. Her body language was very suggestive, and before I knew what happened, we were kissing. Even though it was a dream, I remember feeling the sensation of the kiss itself as though it were real.

The scene then changed and I was sitting at my desk at work. The office space was larger than it is in real life and the office decor was blue rather than white. I sat at my desk wishing the time away so I could go home, as I was bored. At this point, I seemed to be aware of the fact that I was dreaming and thought to myself "This feels just like a boring day at work". Suddenly, a lady in the office approached me and asked if I was seeing a girl named Jenna. I asked her to describe this person, and she described the woman I kissed in the alley. By this point, she was joined by another woman in the office, both of whom warned me to steer clear of this Jenna because she was bad news.

They told me that Jenna had two children, and I responded by saying I had no problems with dating a single mother. In response to this, they told me that Jenna was not a single mother because she was still with her partner, and that she had a reputation for getting involved with men on the side and that it never ended well. I wasn't the first and would not be the last.

All of a sudden, I had an overwhelming urge that something wasn't right. I became almost afraid and wanted to wake up there and then because I felt that something unpleasant was about to happen. Fortunately, I was able to wake up before it did.

Interestingly, I felt as though I'd met this Jenna woman before in another dream, but cannot for the life of me remember anything about it. I woke up from this dream feeling very unnerved and uneasy.

Sleeping in a haunted house

In this dream, I found myself staying the night in a strange house (I didn't realise it was haunted until later on). I don't know why I was there, but I'd chosen to leave my flat and stay in this place for some reason.

When I arrived, the first thing I noticed was that it was unusually dark. I also heard a rustling sound coming from up the stairs in the house, and assumed it was another resident (I think it was meant to be some kind of shared house). I found my room (which was downstairs on the first left) and set up for the night.

After a while, I decided to go and investigate the noise from upstairs. I walked half way up the stairs (where again, there was very little light), and called out to whoever was up there. I heard no response, and by this point, the sounds I'd heard before had stopped. It was then that I "knew" (in the way you just seem to in dreams) that this was a haunted house.

At this realisation, I did not want to stay a second longer, so I went back downstairs to pack my things and leave. When I got back to my room, I tried to switch on the light, but it had stopped working. I was now in total darkness. This was my second indication that something was not right about this place.

I then groped around for my mobile phone and decided to use the light from that instead. I used to phone to help my find my things and pack them away in my bags - and I had LOTS of bags. As I was doing this, I thought to myself that as Plan B, I was going to call my sister and ask to stay the night at her place instead. Again, I didn't know why I didn't just go back to mine, but there you have it.

Anyway, as I packed, I contemplated my plan; I'd pack up, leave, then call my sister to let her know I was coming over. As I did this, I tried to keep an eye on the time because I didn't want to go over when it was too late in the evening. I suddenly woke up in the middle of my packing, as strange, haunting guitar music played in the background

POSSIBLE MEANING:

According to a very informative dream dictionary I often consult, most dreams refer to major incidents that occurred the day before, and I am confident this is the case with this particular dream.

The day before, I went to visit my siter at her place. She is not well at the moment, having been off work long-term sick with a condition called Myalgic Encephelomyelitis.

As someone who enjoys her work, she has not taken to this extended convalescence too well. Not only that, but my mother has the same condition. Watching both of them suffer with this has been a source of immense frustration for me. I've felt helpless seeing people I care about go through something like this whilst feeling totally and utterly helpless in being able to alleviate their plight.

Having consulted the aforementioned dream dictionary, I can see that the dream is addressing this issue directly. Houses, it can be said either relate to the dreamer or people close to them. In this case, I think it relates to me trying understand what my sister was going through, and perhaps the darkness of the house represented the "dark" mood I found her in the day before. Me wanting to go to her's, I think also alludes to my attempt to sympathise with what she is going through.

As for the haunted atmosphere, the dream dictionary I linked to lists feeling ineffective as a possible key phrase that relates to haunting. It appears to have some significance here because, as mentioned above, that is how I feelt in observing the suffering of someone close to me without being able to do anything about it. Luggage in the same dictionary points to "the burden of your responsibilities and emotional problems that follow you around" and whilst I do not consider my family a burden per se, what is an issue for me (as stated above) is being so helpless to alleviate their suffering. This feeling of helplessness literally "haunts" me.

So, this dream, I believe clearly points to the emotions I felt having seen my sister yesterday in her despondent state. I'm just glad my visit cheered her up. All I need to do now is think about how I can apply the message of this dream to the situation at hand.

Recurring dreams: Escape

No this isn't a repost. If you've been following, you've probably noticed that my last entry held the same theme. However, since writing it, I've had two more dreams based on escaping an undesirable place or situation so I've decided to compile what I've remembered from both here. In the first, I was a spy of some description. I'd broken into somebody's home to steal some information that would help me crack an encrypted document they'd written. I entered their home with a bag that contained a laptop, some papers, and of course the document I wanted to crack. I looked around the house and found myself in the person's bedroom. The code I was looking for was hidden underneath the wallpaper, so I peeled a section off from the wall, and the information I needed to decrypt the document was right there. I took photographs of the "writing on the wall" and gathered my things to leave. However, I took too long and by the time I was ready to vacate the property, the owner had showed up with his wife. I tried to shoot him with the gun I had, but it had no effect for some reason, then he told me that he was going to inform the police and have me arrested, and that he knew I was a spy. At this point, I panicked and in a manner only possible in dreams, I was able to rewind time to the moment I'd discovered the code, with the intention of packing up and leaving a lot more quickly than before, which I was able to do. This time, I escaped the house before he showed up, and took off in my car just as his wife was getting out of his. I drove off and was able to escape in safety, to the strains of some sped up rock music. In the second dream, I'd been taken captive in some strange place along with some other people. Our captors would taunt us by calling us names and basically making sport of us. They also had dogs they'd use to terrorise us. In this dream, I'd decided I'd had enough of being a prisoner and made my escape by jumping out of a second storey open window. It was a bit of a drop, but I landed unharmed and ran along a grass lawn and out of the gates of the compound where I was held captive. There were police on the other side of the fence and I told them I'd just escaped, but for some reason, they did not believe me at first. What's interesting about these dreams is that I had them both very recently and they seem to be centred around the same theme of escape. I wonder what they could be alluding to?