Regression (a dream within a dream)

An unusual one, this.

From what I recall, the dream started with me walking down the street with a wheeled trolley full of dirty laundry.  I was supposed to be going to the pub to meet a friend for a drink, but for some reason, decided to take the trolley with me.

I stopped by a laundrette and my friend persuaded me to leave my stuff there, which I did.  I then changed my mind and asked for it back.  The attendant gave me back the clothes but then started talking to me.  He was what Americans might call a Latino and he made general small talk.  At one point, we sat down and then asked me if I wanted to know about my ancestry.  When I responded in the positive, he then turned into an African shaman.  He leaned over and picked up a large acupuncture-like pin and placed it in the centre of his forehead.  After that, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he put out his hand and said something like "When you touch my hand, you will be Iguru".  I touched his hand and immediately went into a trance.  I heard tribal chanting and singing and had the sensation of what felt like hundreds of people's hands touching me.  I seemed to have regressed into a past life state where I was about to undertake an initiation ceremony.  It all started to get too intense though and I suddenly woke up.  The whole experience shocked me so much, I was literally left speechless.

Interestingly, I did Google 'Iguru', and it appears to be an Indian dish of some sort.  There is also an  Solomon Iguru.

 Not sure where that name even came from, but the trance-like experience was very strange.

(G)host

Yeah, so there are definite patterns and reoccurring themes in a lot of my dreams, certain things that tend to crop up again and again.  I notice this all the more as I look back on the dreams I've written here over the years, especially when I peruse the tags.   Anyway, the title should give you an idea of where this one is going.

So, in this dream, I am out of town on a job for work.  When I am off on jobs, I stay at hotels, but in this dream, I was a lodger at an old man's house.  I turn up at the said house, he lets me in and walks off.  I step in through the front door, straight into the room I will be staying in (the would-be living room converted into a spare bedroom).  Other than the front door I just entered, the room has two other doors at either end of the opposite wall.  The first door is shut and not used, but the second goes through to the dining area, kitchen and the living room proper.  The bed has a long, irregular shape and looks more like an elongated, oddly shaped futon.  I spend a moment deciding where I'm going to sleep in this bed and decide against sleeping near the unused shut door as something tells me that I'll get nightmares if I go near it.

After my deliberation, I walk through the other door into the living area and kitchen to look for my host, but he is not there.  I then see him in the kitchen and watch as he passes through one of the walls.  It is then that I realise that I am actually alone in this house, and the old man is, in fact, a ghost.

This dream left quite an impression on me for some reason.

Triple murder

I have not posted on this blog for a long time simply because I have not had any memorable dreams at that time.

Since I last updated this page, I have moved house and been on holiday so I'm guessing the upheaval and change has temporarily thrown my ability to recall dreams.  However, not only was last night's dream the first I've remembered in a while, but it's also one of the very few dreams I've ever had where I actually died.

In this dream, I was staying in a very rickety, pre-fabricated house out in the middle of nowhere.  It looked like a killer's house in a horror movie or something, which is appropriate given what followed.  I was with my mother and sister, but by the time the dream had begun, my mother had gone missing from the house.  I frantically searched for her up and down the stairs while my sister casually watched TV downstairs in the living room.  I got the feeling that I'd had this dream before, but I don't know if that's the case or not.

Anyway, eventually, my sister also went missing, and I knew that she, along with my mother had been caught by the mysterious killer.  As I continued my search for them, I found areas of the house that were boarded up and inaccessible.  On one occasion, I found a gap along the ground that had been covered up, but light was filtering through.  Behind it was the basement and I knew my sister was down there.  I tried to smash through the boards that were covering the gap to no avail.  I later found a cupboard with a false back made of chipboard.  Something told me the killer had put my mother there.

By this point, I was despondent, knowing they had both been killed, so I went to look for the killer himself.  I eventually found him in the living room where my sister was earlier.  He was a large black guy with tied up dreadlocks and a white vest.  I rant at him, but he turned around, grabbed me and put a knife in my gut and pulled it upwards towards my chest.  As the dream ended, I felt myself vomit up bloody viscera.

Yes, this was a very dark dream and I woke feeling really unsettled.  I think it may have something to do with an argument my mother and sister had with each other earlier this week that had my mother ring me in tears because of my sister's behaviour towards her.  To make matters worse, I live in another town so could do little to help.  Their relationship has been steadily deteriorating for years and I've been caught in the middle.  I have no intention of taking anyone's "side" in this, both are family and both are dear to me and being in the emotional crossfire of their never-ending war is extremely draining.  Especially at a distance.


That same night, I had a second dream where I was flying across an alien landscape that looked like a desert at night.  Again, I felt as though I'd had this dream before.  I was desperately looking for other people in this barren place, and eventually came across a woman with a pet alien dog that was the size of a hamster.  Every time I tried talking to her, the dog would try and attack me.

Feminist magic

The weirdest thing about this dream the feeling it left me with as I woke up.

In this dream, I was in a library, browsing the many books on display.  I recall seeing a few interesting looking graphic novels, but the book that especially caught my eye was one called 'Practical magic for Feminists'.

The book was on top of a tall shelf and took considerable effort to reach.  It had a light blue cover and some pattern scrawled on the front.  It also came with an audio CD which started playing as soon as I picked up the book.  The music sounded pretty cool, but I can't really remember it all that well.  The book intrigued me, mostly because of the music.  Despite this, I returned the book to its shelf and decided not to get it.  I later changed my mind because I felt something compelling me to borrow it; so I rushed to the counter with my library card but forgot to bring the book with me.  The woman at the counter laughed at my absent-mindedness and said she'd wait as I rushed back to grab the book.

I went back to the room where I found it, but all the bookshelves had changed, and I couldn't see the book anywhere.  I started to panic and looked around the room, but there was no sign of it.  I then went to other areas of the library to no avail.  By this point, it was near closing time and there were not many people around.

The dream ended as I continued to search futilely for the missing book.  I woke with a deep, anxious longing.

What's particularly odd about this dream is that I am not a feminist at all.  Like most reasonable people, I am all for gender equality, but find modern feminism to be too toxic and hateful, yet here I was searching for a book about feminism.  Feminist magic, no less.

I was having an online debate with someone about feminism the day before, so it may be related to that, but I somehow feel there's more to it than just that.

That awkward moment...

The first of these two dreams (and the one after which this entry is titled) actually took place on the 26th.  The details are fragmentary, but in essence, I was working somewhere and needed to rent out a room for the duration of my stay.

The house I was staying at belonged to a woman whose daughter was living away from home herself.  Consequently, she put her room up for rent, and I was the tenant.  It also turned out this woman's daughter was someone I was seeing briefly while my girlfriend and I weren't together.  I don't know how I knew this, but I did.

Anyway, throughout the dream, I kept on saying that I hoped the daughter never showed up whilst I was there otherwise it would be really awkward.  The dream ended just as she came home, which was incidentally just as I was moving out.  We just missed each other.

The second dream took place last night and felt more like an out of body experience.  I was lying in bed with my eyes closed, but was still able to "see" things in front of me.  I was then overcome with the feeling that I no longer had a physical body as I could no longer perceive it.  I was pure consciousness.

Just then, I floated backwards out of the bed and was looking at myself lying in my bed (though it was too dark to see anything clearly).  I then continued to float out of the room, but at this point, everything turned black and I became aware of the fact that I was now completely separated from my body.  Colourful geometirc patterns morphed and swirled before me as I floated in the mysterious blackness that surrounded me.  Eventually, I started to "feel" my body again and slowly woke up.

Prison party

Another dream that left me with a strange feeling.

I was at a party with my girlfriend, who looked completely different in this dream.  The party was hosted by a rich couple who lived in a large mansion-like house.

As the party was coming to an end, the wife offered to show my girlfriend and I their basement, which they had converted into a spacious, but unlit communal shower stall, complete with tiled walls and flooring.  The woman proceeded to explain that they built it to hold known criminals who would remain incarcerated as long as people in the neighbourhood kept on paying them (essentially, an extortion racket).

Something about the whole arrangement made me feel uneasy and I sensed that even though my girlfriend and I were not criminals, these people wanted to capture us too.  I told my girlfriend this and suggested that we leave as soon as possible.

We went to leave, but when we got outside, the first thing I noticed was that the large electric gates that surrounded the property had been shut, locking us in.  The wife offered to drive us both home, but I suspected this was just a ruse to keep us there.  I then whispered to my girlfriend that we should climb the fence and make a run for it.  Unfortunately, she was wearing heels, so she had to kick them off as we made our escape.  I also took off the trainers I was wearing for some reason.

We then ran for the fence and climbed straight over, running off down the road.  The wife followed us on foot, but we were way quicker than she was.  We ran across an open field, my girlfriend was too scared to look behind us, but I kept on doing so to see how far away the crazy woman was.  At all times, she was some distance away, but I knew that if we let up, she would catch up to us.

Eventually, we came across some narrow terraced houses with small back gardens.  I suggested that we climb one of the walls to these properties and knock on someone's back door.  That way, the woman chasing would run straight past us, thinking we were still running across the field.  We got to back door of the house whose garden we'd infiltrated and knocked furiously.

I woke as the door was answered by a little old lady.

Never judge a book by its cover?

I remember only fragments of this dream, but the parts I do remember are significant for a number of reasons that I will try to make clear.

The first part I recollect had me in a churchyard in the middle of a town somewhere.  It was an area in the town where I live, in fact.  It is also a location I've visited before in dreams in the past.

It was nighttime and I was standing by my mother's car (she was also there along with my sister).  The "dream" version of this churchyard area (which, as I say is somewhere I've visited previously) features a small graveyard, and behind that, a small flight of concrete steps that lead to a footpath that branches away from the churchyard itself.  This is not present in the "real life" version of this place.

In previous dreams, I'd gone down that path, but this time, I remained in the churchyard with my mum and my sister.  I don't recall why we were all there, but as we stood around, my mum suggested that we start to pray.  I didn't want to be involved, so I walked around to the other side of the car and slowly crept away.  I then found myself looking directly at the graveyard and tried to take a picture of a couple I saw there, using my phone.  However, it was too dark, so the picture did not come out properly.

The dream then skipped to later on where we'd all left the churchyard, but I had to go back as I'd left my coat behind.  I spent some time looking for it, but it could not be found.  Also, an unsettling feeling had fallen over the area and I didn't want to stick around.

The dream skipped again to me flying through the night sky, and I eventually found myself inside a DIY centre, by which point, it was now daytime.  I was flying down the aisles, trying to get a sense of where I was.  I tried reading the signs and the labels on the products on the shelves, but could not understand the language.  It looked a bit like Dutch.

I eventually floated over to two women who were having a conversation.  I asked them where I was (sound familiar yet?), but they both ignored me.  I then asked "Can you actually see me?" and they responded, saying "Yes, but we just don't want to talk to someone like you.  Especially wearing those clothes".  I had no idea what I was actually wearing.  I eventually left them alone and floated out of the store.  By this point, there was an announcement over the PA system warning shoppers about me.

A little later on, I found myself in a grassy square, talking to a strange woman.  She was in her late 40s/early 50s but looked older.  Her appearance was haggard and weather-beaten, with jagged, yellowing teeth and straggly hair.  She had a slightly tanned complexion making her look like a Romany Gypsy.  Somehow, I "knew" that her appearance was an illusion, and this person was significant and was there to help me.  I can't remember what we spoke about, but she had a lot to say.

As she turned to walk away, a voice said "Get to know her... Thank her for her help!".  So I approached her again and, for some reason, felt compelled to kiss her on the cheek.  As I did, she turned around and I ended up kissing this ostensibly unattractive woman on the lips.  It was not a sensual or romantic kiss, but it was important.  She then took out a pen and a scrap of paper and started to write down a phone number.  She told me I needed to call that person at the right time.  I then woke up.

I cannot remember the phone number at all.

Double kidnapping

Before going into this dream, I must mention that since I last posted up an entry, there have been a lot of personal developments.  In short, I got back together with the same girlfriend I talked about before.  We decided to put our differences aside and realised what we had was way more important.

Anyway, after around two weeks of being back together, I dreamt last night that my girlfriend had been kidnapped.  The story had made the news and her kidnapper had warned that if I attempted to save her in any way, then he would kill her.  As his hostage, he would make her walk around with him in public either holding his hand or putting her arms around him.  He also carried a knife which he intended to use against her if anyone tried to intervene.

The dream ended as I saw them walking off somewhere together; he had her arm around his waist and I saw the the knife he held to her back.  Something snapped, and I realised I had to do something.  I started to call the police, but then I woke up.

But that is not all.

When I went back to sleep, I had another dream, only this time it was my sister who'd been kidnapped.  In this dream, she didn't look at all like my real sister, but she was.  She was also a lot younger (in this dream, she was about 17 or 18).  We had been out together and were on our way home when she persuaded me to stop off at a roller rink.  I was reluctant, so I told her she could go in and skate and I'd wait for her outside.  She went in, but never came back out.  Upon going in, I learned that she had been kidnapped by someone.  I was woken by my alarm as I was talking to the staff at the roller rink and trying to find out who had taken her.

Tragic orphans

A rather sad dream, this one.  As I recall, it was quite long and protracted, but the general gist was that I had gone to a house where two young boys lived.  One was 5 and the other 2 or 3.  Their parents had gone out a few days earlier and not returned.

The boys were missing their parents, but sure they would return, they were also becoming hungry as they were running out of food.  Somehow, in that manner in which you do in dreams, I just "knew" those boys' parents had died and would not be coming back, which made me feel intensely sad for the now orphaned children.  In this dream, I also happened to be involved with some sort of charitable organisation that helped children like this, so when I went back to the office, I told someone about the boys and he drove over to pick them up, with the intention of finding them a new home.

I woke from this dream still feeling very sad for the fates of those poor children.

As for what it could mean, I suspect it has something to do with my ex.  A week or so ago, she got in touch asking if we could patch things up.  If you've been following this, you'll know that we split up around September/October last year (her doing).  I responded to her text by saying that I no longer know how I feel about her (which is the truth), and that I would get back to her once I've thought it through.  To date, I have not contacted her and don't know when I will.  I could be wrong, but something tells me the boys in this dream symbolise her waiting for me to respond to her, and that the dead parents represent my feelings towards her.  I also suspect the sadness I felt about this dream alludes to my guilt in not contacting her and, of course the remnant sadness of how things ended between us.

I'm also with somebody else now, so the chances of us getting back together are negligible at best.

Old crushes, radio heads and out of body dreams

So this is my first post of 2015, and it is actually a combination of about 3 different dreams.

The first was an out of body dream I had last week sleeping on the train on the way to work.  I saw myself "float" away from my body (which was slouched in the seat) and slowly float down the central aisle of the carriage.  I then floated out of the top and saw myself looking down on the moving train.  After doing this, I floated to the side, looking through the windows.  I then floated to the front of the train and watched as it headed straight for me.  As it did, I floated straight through the front window.  I appeared to have some sort of x-ray vision at this point as all I saw were people's skeletons.  I then floated to the side before eventually waking up.

In the second dream, I heard what sounded like a radio station over the background of a dream I was having (which I barely remember).  It stood out because the broadcast was completely unconnected to the dream and I even remember thinking "where is this coming from?".  The broadcast was that of a girl talking about having some sort of anxiety disorder to the man interviewing her.  She sounded very panicky and flustered.

The final dream occurred last night.  In it, I was with a group of friends in the pub.  One of the guys said a girl he knew was going to be joining us soon, and it turns out it was a girl I fancied in school when I was about 15.  I can barely recall what this girl looked like other than that she was slim, Chinese and not interested in me in the slightest.  I also had not even thought about this girl in years, that is, until I had this dream last night.

Anyway, upon learning that an old high school crush (now fully grown, of course) also happened to know good friends of mine and would be joining us, I became embarrassed and made a sharp exit.  I decided instead to go shopping and was wandering through a shopping centre and from the distance I saw her: the same girl!  She was on her way to meet my friends and decided to pick up a few things first, it would seem.  I did my best to avoid her, but just as I was going to leave, we bumped into each other.  Back in school, this girl had little to say to me, but in this dream we spoke like old friends and she asked me on a date.  I told her I would think about it and made an exit.

The dream then cut to later on where she'd met up with my friends and found out they also knew me too.  Additionally, one of my friends made a point of telling her how much I fancied her to such an extent that it put her off wanting to meet me.

The interesting thing about this dream is that it is a little similar to an incident that occurred a week earlier, just after Christmas.  I was making my way home after a sleepless night and had just endured a 2hr bus journey.  All I wanted was to go home and hopefully get some sleep.  On the way back, I decided to pop into a shop to grab a few things I needed but then saw a friend (more of an acquaintance really) who I didn't really want to talk to at that time.  Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but being autistic, has a tendency to not understand social queues and ALWAYS stops to talk, even if it's clearly not a good time for you.  Under normal circumstances, I would've happily chatted with him (we have a great love of music in common), but having had no sleep, I was not in the mood to talk to anybody.   So, I quickly swept through the store and just before I got to the counter, there he was, and of course, he stopped to talk!  The way I tried to avoid the girl in this dream was almost like this (only for different reasons, obviously).  Beyond that, I can't think of anything that happened the day before this dream that relates to why I had it.  Not at the moment, anyway.

It is also worth noting that throughout the dream, I never got a clear look at her face, it always looked blurred, so my recollection of her remains fuzzy and indistinct.